Windows to the Soul
by Darkira
Summary: Edward, a father of two children and a happily married man suddenly has his world turned upside down. One day in his new environment he sees lovely eyes that change his world for good. AU/AH//NON-CANON, SLASH


**Disclaimer:** All things Twi belong to S. Meyer. This story is mine, keep your paws off it. ^^

This hasn't been betaed, so sorry about any of the mistakes left. :)

_This story is dedicated to my darling T. you hang in there girl. *hugs* _

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**Windows to the Soul**

I stared in to the mirror.

The man looking back didn't seem different in any way. His eyes were maybe a bit brighter, the creases on his forehead more smooth. The biggest difference were the absence of the shadows under his eyes.

Rest. I had gotten some proper sleep last night. I knew why.

The reason to the first truly well-slept night in the last six months walked to the bathroom and looked at me through the mirror. I smiled and the smile was returned.

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It all started with eyes.

Her eyes.

One evening when she came from work I could tell something was up from the way her eyes avoided mine.

"I'll fix dinner, the kids should be home soon," she said and avoided my eyes as she kissed my while passing my desk.

"No need, there's lasagna in the oven and salad in the fridge," I grinned and she flashed a smile but it was forced.

"Edward, we need to talk." Her voice was shaky and the words came out somehow strangely, in a rush and I knew instantly something was really, truly wrong.

And then the front door opened and closed loudly.

"We're home, mom? Dad?" I heard our son call out to us.

"Here, Alec!" I called to him and he walked in, sporting a huge grin and holding a trophy of some kind.

"Look! I got the science trophy from Mr. Banner!! I was best in a pop-quiz and I got the best score for my project!" he beamed in a way only an eleven year old boy could.

His sister walked in to the room more slowly, she was in that age now, a young lady of fifteen.

"Hey dad," she smiled and walked over to me to kiss my cheek much like her mother had done before, but Angie's smile was genuine.

"Hey rugrats," I said and they both scowled while Alec couldn't help but to babble about the science victory to her mother who was trying to escape the room.

"Dinner is ready in thirty minutes." I said and they all left my study, leaving me alone in there, wondering what the hell was going on with Lauren.

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Her eyes were guilty, I figured that out over dinner. She had done something and in an ominous certainty I could tell what it was. She had been distant for weeks, maybe months, and I had felt...rejected. Not just in the bedroom but in general too, when we used to have an insane connection in both ways, mentally and physically.

The words after the children had been sent to their rooms after dinner to do their homework cut through me somehow, even though I had suspected something was amiss for a while now.

"Edward, I...I slept with someone..." she said, standing in front of the windows of my study, looking in to the darkness of the backyard.

"How long?" It was all I could ask her. Not who, it made no difference at all.

"Just this once! It's...it's..."

"You're going to continue seeing him?" I asked from between clenched teeth and I could tell that she was surprised to hear me ask such thing, like it was a possibility.

"I...don't...know..." she managed to gasp at me from between tears that ran down her cheeks.

"I want a divorce. We'll split everything. The children can go with you and spend every other weekend and their summer holidays and such with me if they want to."

"Edward...Edward no...I don't..." she began but I held up my hand and felt how my heart was turning in to stone in my chest while I spoke.

"We had an agreement. You did this once before and then you agreed to my terms. This is it, I'm cashing my check and bailing out. I won't take this a third time." I said and when she opened her mouth, I didn't let her speak.

Instead, I snarled, "You know bloody well that there _will_ be a third time so don't even try to deny it!"

She looked like I had slapped her.

-|-|-|-|-|-|-

The eyes of our children, when we told them two days later. The disbelief of Alec's and the betrayal in Angie's.

In a month we were all packed. I would move back to Seattle where I was originally from. The children would go with Lauren to the house she rented from the other side of Forks, not that many miles from the house we lived together, which we all were now leaving.

Alec hugged me tightly, with tears in his eyes.

"Don't worry, when you have your next science project you can call me or grandpa like always. We'll see each other in two weeks, when you come visit me. And then it won't be long until Christmas and I'll come here to grandpa and grandma's house and we'll all be together. It won't be bad, I promise. You can call me anytime, day or night, okay geek?" I asked him and he just hugged me tightly, nodded and kissed my cheek before running to his now almost empty room.

Angie... She looked betrayed. Then she saw something in my eyes and just walked to my arms and held on tight.

"I'm sorry daddy, I'm sorry that you're hurting and that we can't be together. I'll take care of the Geek. And mom too even though I hate that bitch's guts for not keeping her knickers on..." she hissed the rest in to my ear and made me chuckle instead of scolding her.

"Baby girl, you said knickers. Grandma's vocabulary is rubbing off on you."

"Shut up old man," she giggled and kissed my cheek, "I understand. I overheard grandpa talking to you once...years ago...I didn't understand then but now I do. She's done this before, hasn't she?" my all too smart daughter asked me and I couldn't lie to her.

"Yes, when you were two and a half years old." I told her with a sad smile.

"Then this is the right thing. You'll find someone else. Someone who'll be perfect for you like she can't be. And she'll find someone too, eventually." Angie said and hugged me.

"When did you become so smart and eloquent?" I asked her, wiping my own cheeks as she was wiping hers.

"I grew up, dad, and I have a famous author as a father, it's not only Esme's vocabulary that rubbed off on me."

I was gathering the rest of my things to take them to my Volvo outside when she turned to look at me.

"Don't worry, I'll email you with any stuff I need to have input on for English classes." Her smile was radiant and I knew we'd pull through this, all of us, somehow.

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I had been in Seattle for a week when I first ran into the eyes that would change everything for me.

Having been outside in the lovely December day for a while, getting some oxygen in to my system, I decided to stop by Starbucks to get myself some coffee. I wanted to write, for the first time since the divorce-ball had begun rolling.

Alec had called me twice. Both times it was late at night when he should have been asleep already. I'd talk with him, about mundane things, until he'd fall asleep.

Angie had emailed me three times, once for a paper she needed to write about Oscar Wilde, twice just checking on me and telling me Alec was going to be fine and she was too. Not a word about their mom. I appreciated the gesture and once again realized I should give Angela more credit that I had done before.

The eyes surprised me in the elevator one day. They were deep brown and piercing. Something was troubling the person who they belonged to, I could tell.

That night I dreamed of those eyes and that person, because of the first impression they had made.

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Next day, this time passing me on the parking lot while I was walking to my car, the person looked at me and there was a definite recognition on the brown pools of melted chocolate. I smiled and was rewarded with a little smirk.

From my car I called to my friend Jake.

"Edward here, can you look at the Volvo now? I'm on my way to do some shopping so I could grab your car or something?" I asked him.

"Sure sure, just come on over. Coffee?" my best friend Seth's big brother asked me and I couldn't help but smile at his laid back tone.

"Yeah, Seth there?"

"Should be any minute, he's dropping off some sketches for the boys."

"Okay, fifteen minutes." I said and disconnected the call.

I had met Seth in kindergarten and he had become my best friend. That had lasted for several decades now, which was something that warmed my heart somehow. His brother Jake was a few years older than Seth and I, and he had a family and his two sons worked for his garage, tuning cars and the older, Sam, was pretty much the best artist I knew. Sam handled the paintwork and Seth did lot of the sketches that took more time than Sam had.

Driving to the garage I couldn't help but smile. We had spent endless hours there, growing up. In high school I had met Lauren and the rest was history. Seth was Angie's godfather and Jake was Alec's.

I drove the Volvo in and saw my favorite midget, Seth, walking out of the side door with Jake's wife, Bella. They both smiled seeing me and once I had parked the car inside, I walked back out to meet them.

"Eddie!!" Seth exclaimed and I just shook my head at his enthusiasm. He was gay, not very flamboyantly so but still. Sometimes he overdid it for purpose to annoy his brother.

"Sethy!!" I said in a similar tone and hugged him close, kissing his temple.

"Hey Edward, nice to see you." Bella smiled and walked to hug me.

Eyes, it was about eyes here too. His were full of sparks of enthusiasm and happiness of seeing me again and hers were warm and motherly, even though technically she was two years younger than I was.

"Hey mommabella." I hugged her briefly.

"Get your filthy writer's paws off my woman!!" a menacing tone bellowed from the upstairs window. Then a man with tons of crow's feet around his eyes from all the laughing he did looked down.

"And get up here, the coffee's done." Jake added like it was an afterthought and Bella excused herself to the other side of the garage where their house was.

Me and Seth walked to the garage, hand in hand like we had done in private for the last forty years or so, and made his nephews chuckle at him.

Seth was 5'9" and both his nephews were around their father's 6'3".

"Just because you didn't inherit your mother's height and are both grown men doesn't mean I won't unleash the midget on you." I told them and made them chuckle while they got back to work.

"Uncle Eddie, I'll take a look at the Volvo for you once I get the Jag done, maybe half an hour?" The younger of the brothers, Embry, said and smiled at me.

"Thanks, no rush, I just need to borrow a car for the shopping."

"Take mine," Sam said without raising his head and I grabbed the keys he tossed over his shoulder.

"I'll love her like she was my own." I promised him, his Mercedes was his baby.

"You better, I can kick your ass to the moon old man..." he muttered and I flipped a finger at him.

The next half an hour we sat drinking coffee, Seth, Jake and me. They were dancing around the subject for a while until I lost it.

"Bloody hell, she cheated on me, you both know that. It stings but I'm planning to move on once I feel like a human again." I said and they shot a look at each other and then raised their hands in unison.

"Okay...what ever you say man..." Jake muttered and poured himself a second mug of coffee.

"I'm planning on taking him to a club once he's ready," Seth announced and I groaned inwardly.

Seth's idea of clubbing was to go to a gay club with tons of young twinks like Seth had once been. Now I knew I was bisexual, I had hooked up with a few guys before I got married, but now? I was too old for that scene.

"Not that kind of club, just...somewhere I know you'll like it. Mixed crowd but gay friendly. I promise it's a good place." Seth said and patted my hand.

"Thanks, Midge." I grinned and made him swat my arm.

-|-|-|-|-|-|-

My kids' first visit went well. At first they were enthusiastic about my new place with three bedrooms (one for me and one for each of them) and then they were slightly awkward because...everything. I took the edge off that by making them help me cook with me.

By the end of the evening we were watching a scary movie on the couch. Me in the middle, Alec on my left and Angie on my right, them both grabbing my shirt or arm on the scary scenes.

When they were leaving Sunday night, Alec ran to Lauren's car and Angie lingered behind.

"Dad, she's okay. Not seeing anyone, sad a lot but she's learning. How are you?" she asked and I grinned.

"Uncle Seth is going to take me clubbing..." I smiled a little and she giggled.

"Dear Lord...okay...I hope not to a gay bar? I mean...seriously dad? I know..." she said and blushed and then continued, "but like, not your scene, is it?" she asked and avoided my eyes.

When Angie was thirteen, she had come to me and her mom, asking questions about different people, Seth, her math teacher Miss Waters and so on. We quickly figured out where the conversation was heading and we assured her it was okay, what ever she'd turn out to be and that experimenting was okay too, just as she was honest with us and always safe, in one way or the other. I had also told her I had dated men too, which had been a shock at first and cool the next moment. I had to love my daughter.

Alec didn't know, yet, but we didn't plan on keeping anything a secret. Besides the day when he came from library when he was nine and explained us all about how Uncle Seth was cool and how it was just fine to be gay and how 'homosexuality was all normal'.

No, I don't know either how much being children of a high school art teacher and a novelist contributed to that...

"No, it's really not. But he did promise to take me to some...nicer place though. When I'm ready, which I'm not yet." I told her and she smiled.

"Okay, but...don't think you can't talk to me when you find someone. I'd like to know, dad. Honestly. I know you and mom aren't very compatible anymore so...I'd like to see you happy again." Angie said and kissed my cheek before running to the car where her mother was honking the horn.

That's when I realized it; I hadn't been happy for a very long time. Not since I sensed Lauren pulling away from me. Angie had noticed and in some way so had Alec but he didn't have words for it.

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Christmas was fine. I spent it with my kids at my parents' house. Lauren made an appearance too and we were all there for the presents as well. My father, Carlisle, was a top notch surgeon and did a lot of research when I was growing up. That didn't prevent us from being close though, he always took care of his family too. Alec looked up to his grandpa more than he did to me, really...

My mom was a kindergarten teacher before retiring and she and Lauren used to have a lot in common, as my mom loved art too. But now things were different. They had been ever since the first time Lauren cheated on me and after the second time Lauren got the cold shoulder when she tried to approach Esme with anything. Lauren was tolerated but not liked.

During Christmas, spending those few nights over at my old room which was more adult like now of course, was interesting for multiple reasons. The deep brown eyes made a return to my dreams. I hadn't dreamed of anyone like this since my first crush on the red-haired girl who lived across my cousin Alice's house when I was twelve.

Then I dreamed about her hair, now it was eyes that haunted my dreams.

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After a very uneventful New Year's eve, at the end of January I was finally lured by Seth to the club he had been talking about. Great.

I dressed in jeans and a black button up and chose a leather jacket against the chilly air. Seth had promised it wouldn't be too crowded there and I hoped that was true. I still wasn't in the mood for that.

Taking a cab, I ended up in front of what looked a lot like sports bar. Seth stood there in front of the entrance and almost bounced at me. Now it does look funny when a forty-something guy bounces around, trust me. I grinned at him as he latched himself to my arm and we went in.

"See, not that bad." Seth said when we were leaving our coats to the wardrobe.

"No, not at all." I had to agree with him.

It did look a lot like a sports bar inside too. There was an actual corner of the place with a huge flat

screen and some couches where people were sitting much like their own living room, watching something that looked like rugby.

"I'll go find us a booth, you go get us drinks?" Seth more told than asked me and vanished, much like he always did, leaving me to pay for the first round.

I chuckled and shook my head as I walked to the bar that was empty. Nobody behind it. Then from a back door walked in... Him. The Eyes looked at me as he approached me.

"Hey, I know you. You live in my building, right?" he asked and I nodded, sort of lost in the depths of the eyes.

"Yeah, Edward Cullen, nice to meet you officially." I managed to flash him a smile and he offered his hand.

"Jasper Hale," he said and shook my hand firmly, grinning a bit, "now, what can I get you?" he asked and gestured to the wall behind himself.

"I'll take a Corona and I think my friend would like an appletini." I said and Jasper began to work on my order.

"Hey, aren't you E.M. Cullen? The author?" he asked and I nodded, still, even after all these years, blushed a bit.

"Yeah, at your service." I smiled a bit bashfully.

"I like your books, I've read all but the latest one, haven't had time yet. This is pretty cool, I can tell that I live in the same house with someone famous." Jasper said, but not in an annoying way, luckily.

"I wouldn't say that..." I scratched the back of my neck and avoided his eyes.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not a crazy fanboy or anything, but it's strange to me that someone can write like you can. It's...admirable. This," he gestured at the bar, "is all I can do."

"Well we all have our places in the bigger picture and everyone is needed?" I smiled a bit at him as I gave him my credit card for the tab, "Little native guy who comes to order the same stuff can be added to the tab too."

"Speaking of being needed," Jasper nodded towards the other end of the bar and went to sell more beer to the thirsty.

I went to find Seth who was already chatting with some guy around our age. The thought 'around our are' made me realize that Jasper was quite a bit younger. Not that much, but maybe thirty, a bit over? So with my luck he was fifteen years younger...great.

Wait...

What..?

So I was really crushing on someone based on their eyes and their smile and unruly blonde curls and dimples and nice body and infectious laughter and...

Fuck...

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That night I chatted a bit more with Jasper, fell more for his lovely voice and eyes and dimples and... You get the idea.

Seth went home with the guy he chatted with, someone called Emmett. The guy looked like a former jock but he turned out to be amazing, funny and really someone who might be able to tune down my overactive best friend.

I stayed after they left, drinking one beer more and paying the tab.

"Do you have a ride home?" Jasper asked when he handed me my credit card back.

"No, thought I'd grab a cab." I shrugged while tucking the card in to my wallet.

"I can give you a ride since we're heading the same direction? Just give me half an hour, I get to leave early, Rose is closing tonight." He nodded towards the intimidating blonde who was collecting empty glasses from around the club or bar or what else it was called.

For a moment I hesitated but then I nodded, "Sure, why not. Give me a mineral water?" I asked, having had my quota of alcohol.

Jasper handed me my glass and I sat there, on the bar and probably looked as sullen as I felt.

It wasn't anything that had happened that night. It was my life in general. For a few times I felt Jasper almost ask something while passing me behind the bar but he didn't. I was thankful.

Later in the car he put the radio on and I smiled at the song.

"This is one of my daughter's favorite songs." I said and smiled at the thought of Angie dancing to it in her jammies.

"Oh? How old is she?" Jasper asked, glancing at me with a small smile on his lips.

"Fifteen, my son is eleven." I said with a little smile still lingering on my lips.

"You're married?" he asked casually, but I sensed something...less casual, about the question.

"For a while still. Separated, getting a divorce." I shrugged and frowned a bit. The thought of being a divorced man didn't really appeal to me.

"Sorry to hear that, can't be easy for your kids." Jasper frowned and sounded genuinely concerned.

"No, it isn't. But my daughter thinks I should find someone to be happy with, since obviously it wasn't her mom." I grinned a bit and added, "It was her godfather I was with there, Seth." I said and Jasper chuckled.

When I looked at him questioningly, he glanced at me.

"I know Seth. He's a funny guy. You two been friends for long?"

"Since knee-high." I grinned.

"Does he drag you to clubs often?" Jasper asked and again I felt that there was more to the question.

"Oh Dear Lord no... But I'll be happy to report to my daughter that Seth didn't manage to drag me in to a gay club... She actually went more or less 'dad you don't belong to that scene, no matter you like men too'. She's scarily perceptive sometimes..." I chuckled.

"Oh so your kids know you..swing both ways?" he asked in a tone that was both surprised and pleased and I realized what he had actually been asking with the club question.

"Only Angie, my son doesn't yet, he's too young but he's okay with Seth and whom ever he's dating so..I doubt it will be a big deal."

"They sound like awesome kids."

"Trust me, I am a very lucky man." I caught his eye as he parked the car to his lot, not far from my Volvo and something in his expression made me feel...fluttery inside.

We got out of his car and walked to the elevator. He lived in my floor, I knew that, so I pressed just one button.

I felt his eyes on me and turned to look at him. There was a question in his eyes and I couldn't help but smile a bit.

"Jasper...it's too soon for me." I said quietly and he looked disappointed for a moment but then smiled.

"Just let me know...okay?" his smirk following those words was cheeky.

"Trust me..." I grinned back just as the elevator stopped at our floor.

We said good night and went to our respective homes.

-|-|-|-|-|-|-

The spring rolled on, I went to the bar, I refused to call it a club, with Seth occasionally. Sometimes Jake and Bella went with us and Emmett was becoming a permanent addition to our group, everyone loved him of which I was happy. Seth deserved to be with someone like Emmett after some of the asses he had dated before.

I chatted with Jasper every now and then. Of what ever possible, really. One day closer to the summer, the kids were at my place and we were going to go out to grab a bite instead of cooking. We got out of my door and Angela literally bumped in to Jasper who was passing my door at the same time.

"Ooh, sorry!" she gasped and then looked up at Jasper and blushed deeply.

"Now..you must be Angela..." Jasper said to her and made her eyes widen.

Jasper let go of her forearms he had grabbed to keep her upright and glanced at me.

"And this is Alec, the future scientist." He held out a hand to Alec who grinned at him and shook the hand.

"Howdy neighbor." I grinned at Jasper who smirked.

"Where are you lot going?" he asked as he gestured towards the elevators.

"We're not sure yet," Angie piped up, "to eat somewhere. You don't happen to know any good places?" added hastily and shot me a _look_.

Jasper smirked at her, "Sure, plenty of places. What type of food do you like?" he asked her and Alec.

"I like veggie, she likes like...oriental and stuff. Dad eats what ever we want when we're here." Alec announced and I chuckled.

"Okay, so how about...thai?" Jasper asked and the kids both nodded, "Then I know an excellent place. Can I come with you?" he asked me.

"Sure, we can use company." I smiled and Jasper looked hopeful for a moment but tried to hide it.

Damn I wished I could...

We packed into my car and drove to the little family owned restaurant that turned out to be amazing. The kids loved Jasper and he seemed to like them a lot too.

When we finally managed to leave the restaurant, after a couple of hours of chatting and eating too much, Jasper asked for a ride to a friend's house and we dropped him off.

"Thanks for a nice dinner, guys. Hope to see you again." he tipped an invisible hat to them and winked at Angie who blushed again.

"You too Jazz!" Alec said and then he put his iPod on and got lost in some...rap? When did classical turn to rap in my son's playlist?

Angela got to the front seat and I could hear her saying something to Jasper outside the car before she got in.

"What was that about?" I asked and she tried to look nonchalant.

"Oh, nothing..." her little smile gave her away.

"He likes you. Like...a lot..." she added after a long silence to the record store the kids wanted to visit.

To my surprise the real response left my lips, "I know..." and I sighed.

"And?" she asked.

"It's not that simple, honey. I like him too but... I just can't, yet. For some reason."

"Better not keep him waiting for too long, dad. Have you noticed what he looks like?" she said and the tone sounded slightly dreamy at the end.

"So you want me to hook him so you can steal him in a few years?" I asked and she blushed furiously and then hit my shoulder with her fist.

"Moron..." she muttered but the blush wouldn't fade until we got out of the car.

-|-|-|-|-|-|-

We went on a holiday, me and the kids, to Hawaii that summer for the first two weeks of their summer break. It was fun, I felt more alive than since that day in early December.

The kids spent most days in the water, though they took breaks too, Angie to get a tan and Alec to run around, examining things around our rental house in a remote location.

I began to noticed that Angie was getting attention from boys. It was slightly disturbing, I'm her dad after all, but also somehow...nice. I mean I didn't want her to rush in to anything but it gave her self confidence a major boost to get that attention and that was good for her.

The first thing that truly surprised me though, was that I began to pay attention to people. It had nothing to do with the swimwear or anything like that, but merely me noticing people, checking them out, if you will.

And then one day, towards the end of our stay, I got a call from Seth.

"Hey Eddie." he said, somehow sounding a bit off.

"Hey baby, how are you?" I asked and mouthed 'Seth' to Angie who looked at me from the deck chair beside me.

"Well... I heard that Jasper is dating someone. That's about it, without any beating around the bush..." he said, sounding somehow defeated and sad.

"Oh..." Was all I could come up with.

"Yeah...thought you might want to know or something..." he said and then went on to tell me about how Emmett had said and done this and that and I tried to concentrate.

After the call Angie looked at me worriedly.

"What is it daddy?" she turned to face me, "What did Seth say?"

"It's Jasper...he's seeing someone..." I frowned a bit and then excused myself from the garden and went inside the house to sulk by myself.

I couldn't sulk for long since Angie and Alec had decided to organize me a tiny birthday party beforehand, a day before we left home. It was all lovely but I still felt somehow empty and I realized that I was ready.

Ready and too late...

-|-|-|-|-|-|-

I got home a day before my official birthday on June 20th and the kids went to their mom for a week before they'd come spend some more time with me.

The morning of my birthday I woke up and went to get my mail from the lobby. When I got back upstairs, there was a single white rose leaning against my door. No card or note of any kind. I still knew it was from Jasper and that he had found out my birthday somehow.

I wasn't sure what to think. Of course I was thankful but...yeah. What good did it do to me in the long run?

I took the flower and watched it sit on a tall glass of water on my desk until it withered away and Angie threw it away a few days after they got back to Seattle.

The rest of the summer went with my kids and with writing. Somehow, even though I wasn't sleeping much, I was at least writing. It was taking its toll though, I knew that from the way Angie took Alec out to see the sights and do things while I was too tired to too concentrated on writing.

When the summer was over, I was both sad to let my kids go and happy to be on my own again.

From what I heard, Jasper's relationship was flourishing. The guy was someone he had known for a while, which suggested that he simply got tired of waiting for me and did what was best for him.

The little I moved outside my flat I never ran in to Jasper which was probably for the best. As it was, I was getting tired and mentally very drained because of the lack of rest opposed to the way I was working.

The children weren't too bothered when they couldn't come to see me in a month or so. They were swamped with the work they had in school and Angie wanted to get the ball rolling in the school newspaper which she had been picked to write for. I was so happy for her and knew how much time it would take.

Slowly but surely, over the beginning of the first two months of fall, I began to turn in to a zombie. Seth and Emmett were taking some time off work to go travel and since Jake's family was always busy, it was my mom who caught the state I was in first.

One day my doorbell rang and I walked to open it without thinking.

"Dear Lord, Edward!!" she gasped, held her heart and looked at me from head to toe.

"Mother..." I managed to say and she pushed her way through the doorway and past me and went to look in to my fridge which was very empty.

"All right, Edward. Right now you're going to go shower, shave, get dressed and once you get back, I'm taking you to dinner and getting you out of this...what ever this is! You're a grown man for heaven's sake! Father of two children who need you, what the hell do you think you're doing to yourself over some man you hardly know!!" she was practically yelling at me while she followed me across the flat towards the bathroom.

"Wait...how..?" I was puzzled now.

"How do I know? Your daughter told me she was worried. If Angela thinks something is wrong, she waits for a while to see if things get better before talking so I knew it was already bad...but _this_ bad... Oh Edward..." she said as I closed the door in front of her nose and went to do as she had told me to.

That day my mother put me in to my place. Made me see things more clearly. She helped me clean my flat, fill my fridge and got myself together. Then she stayed the night and figured out some excuses to stay two nights after that too. She'd leave me alone to go meet her friends and do things during the day to let me be, but come evening, she'd be there to make sure I went to bed and got some sleep too.

Somehow strangely her being there made all the difference, even though the quality of my sleep wasn't that good still. My mother had a calming effect to almost everyone, so I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that she was able to help me, even if not cure my sleeping habits completely.

-|-|-|-|-|-|-

Seth nearly killed me when he got back and went to meet the kids to take some souvenirs from the trip and Angie told him she had needed to call my mother.

Luckily Seth being Seth, he couldn't be mad at me for too long.

"Oh honey... I'm so sorry that things went like that..." he just sighed after ranting about me being irresponsible., "You really like him, don't you?" he asked then.

"Yeah... There's something about him that I haven't found in anyone else. He balances me out but...it's too late now." I sighed and Seth wrapped his small form around me and I felt instantly better.

"Sethy..." I said, deciding something right there.

"Yes, Eddie?" he looked up at me and I smiled in a certain, slightly playful way, "Oh. My. God. Really?"

"I need to get out. I'm sleeping and eating and limiting the working. The book is almost done and...I think it's time to go to a proper club and feel like an outsider for one night." I smirked at him and he literally jumped up and down.

"Tomorrow? Please??" The next day would be a Friday and the place would be packed.

"Okay. But I'm deciding what I'll wear!" I told him my only condition.

"Fine. I'm coming to get you tomorrow at nine. Can Emmett come?" he asked then, thoughtfully.

"Well you're not going there to score, so why not?" I smirked and he swatted me in his usual style.

"Okay then. Tomorrow night. Be prepared for some serious dancing, old man." His smirk was mischievous but very happy.

"Says the kid. You know Midget, you're just a month and a half younger than me so shut up and get your pretty, still quite firm ass out of here."

-|-|-|-|-|-|-

The next evening I was nervous as hell. Let's face it, I was at least twice the age of 90% of the population inside that club. So I might have been in good shape for my age but...

I went to open the door for Seth and Emmett who both looked at me from head to toe. Then Emmett whistled and I rolled my eyes at him.

"No, seriously honey, you look lovely!" Seth said and Em nodded behind him.

"Okay, I'll get my stuff and we'll go. Stop looking at me like that, makes me self conscious..." I muttered.

So I did pick a shirt that was the same shade of green my eyes were and a pair of nice charcoal jeans. Nothing special but apparently I looked good. Well...that was...nice. I suppose.

"Do I need a coat?" I asked over my shoulder.

"Nope, the car is warm and I'll be your chauffeur tonight." Emmett grinned and I couldn't help but to grin back, his grin was always so infectious.

Twenty minutes later we were entering the club and I was cringing inwardly. The scene never changed, did it?

We were too old to be here, though definitely still good looking enough, or so it seemed as all of us gathered attention, despite the fact that Emmett and Seth were holding hands as we made our way to the bar.

With my Corona in my hand I leaned my elbows to the bar.

Okay... Here we go...

The club was packed with people even if it was really early. The music wasn't too awful here, a bit less loud and meaningless than in most clubs I had gone to with Seth before. Not half bad, really.

The young, trimmed bodies on the dancefloor were intimidating though. I sighed and looked down again.

"Come on baby, let's dance. You too Eddie." Seth said after we had downed the first drinks of the evening.

Slightly insecure, I followed them to find a spot somewhere among the gyrating hips and half naked bodies. Another thing that never changed, the shirtlessness and the dry humping they called dancing.

"If you two start to dry hump each other, I'm leaving!" I told Em and Seth over the music and they just laughed at me but took it seriously, I could tell.

A couple of hours, few more beers and dozens of songs later I was getting slightly light-headed and I felt better already. I was loosening up and I was actually realizing that some of the twinks around us were checking me out, some of them could have technically be my sons but there were a few older ones too.

They were right, categorizing me as a top, though I had bottomed too once upon a time.

I didn't make much eye contact and fortunately they were a bit timid to approach three older guys like us. Or so I thought...

Suddenly there was a tap on my shoulder and I sighed a bit before turning around to see who was bothering me.

"Would you mind dancing with me?" said the owner of the most gorgeous brown eyes I had ever seen.

"Jasper..." his name fell from my lips like a question and he smiled at me, looking so very handsome.

"You ready now?" he asked and placed his hands on my hips, pulling me close to himself.

"Hey, no dry humping you two!!" Seth yelled over the music and made Jasper chuckle.

"Not even a bit?" he asked and I think I actually blushed some.

"I'm ready if you're available." I told him, ignoring Seth and his antics.

"Oh, I am, again...sorry to make _you_ wait..." Jasper said, speaking straight to my ear and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"Suppose I deserved that though... I'm sorry too." I said and his fingers on my hips sneaked under the my shirt just a bit and made me shiver.

No, I hadn't reacted like this to anyone in... Maybe ever? Not even Lauren way back in high school.

"So...your place or mine?" Jasper whispered to my ear and I chuckled, suddenly feeling breathless.

"Mine...closer to the elevator..." I managed to say before he was tugging me towards the door.

"Need a ride guys?" Emmett called after us.

"No, got this one covered!" Jasper answered over his shoulder and I managed to wave goodbye to Seth before I was tugged outside.

So it was cold over there. Jasper noticed I didn't have a jacket and hadn't stopped at the wardrobe so he wrapped his arms around me while we waited for a cab to drive by. He was a few inches taller than me, so somehow I felt...safe inside his arms.

We didn't say much on the way to my place. There was no making out or nervous conversation, we were comfortable in the silence which was very nice.

After splitting the cab fare we walked quickly inside our building and had to wait for the elevator to crawl down to the lobby.

We stood there, our fingers intertwined and suddenly I was nervous.

"Jasper...I haven't been...dating...since high school and I haven't been with anyone but my ex-wife since back then either. This is all new again." I managed to say as he tugged me in to the elevator.

"I don't care. We have no rush now that we are here." He smiled and I knew he didn't mean the physical location but 'here' as in together like this.

Jasper pulled me back to his arms and I placed my head against his shoulder, feeling very content and safe and just...good.

When the doors opened and we stepped out, I was leading him this time. My door really was closer and we did get inside faster like that.

"Oh, wait Edward." he said suddenly as I was opening my door, "be right back."

Puzzled, I looked as he walked to his door at the end of the hall, went inside and came back after a few minutes. When he saw my look, he dug out a small bottle of lube and a few condoms from his pocket.

"Thought you might not have any..." he smirked, "in case we need them." he added and smiled in a way that told me there was no pressure what so ever.

"Oh..." I blushed and opened the door to let him in, "actually, you were right."

Well I hadn't thought I'd be having sex with anyone so I _was_ totally unprepared. Even if we would end up needing the items, it would certainly be nicer this way than for him to go get them from his flat after...you know, things got heated.

It turned out that we didn't do anything that night though, we just ended up cuddling in my bed, soaking with the tingling feeling of our skins touching and the sweetness of it all. We talked a lot too, Jasper said that he had fallen for me that night in his car. When I asked why, he told me that he couldn't help it when he realized how much passion and love I had in me when I spoke of my children, whom he, by the way, adored already.

I confessed to him that the first time I paid attention to him was when I met his eyes that first day in the elevator. He told me that earlier that morning he had heard that his grandma was ill and was worried about her. She was feeling better by now, even though she was getting close to ninety years of age.

When we finally fell asleep, my head was on his chest and his steady heartbeat was lulling me to sleep.

-|-|-|-|-|-|-

The next morning I woke up and sneaked away from under his arm, smiling like the fool I was. Fool for love it seemed. I knew I was falling for this man, no matter how I tried to deny it I was. Not that it bothered me, it just felt sudden because we didn't really know each other yet, even though we had first met more than six months ago.

I went to the bathroom and relieved myself. After brushing my teeth I walked to the kitchen in my pajama pants and tank top. I put the coffeemaker on and once it was done, I took my mug to my study and went to sit in my favorite armchair next to the windows.

Enjoying my coffee, I went through a few pages of the draft for my next book. I heard Jasper wake up and go to the bathroom and he found me a while later. He looked adorable when he smiled at me and I couldn't help but grin at him.

"There's coffee in the kitchen." I told him and he just nodded, walking to me.

"I have a different breakfast in mind..." he said and took my mug, taking a sip of my coffee and then put the mug on my desk. Jasper gathered the papers from my lap and put them neatly to the middle of my desk and when he got back to me, he knelt in front of the chair, between my feet.

I swallowed hard.

"Kiss me."

How was I to deny him that?

I leaned forward and down and kissed him soundly. He tasted like my mint and lime toothpaste and the coffee he had tasted. Those things and him. I realized I must have tasted just like him, except my taste was different for the unique flavor that was me, in comparison to the one that was him.

After some heavy kissing his hands moved to my thighs and I gasped a bit. It was obvious what he was thinking and going to do if I'd let him.

When he pushed me back and his fingers tugged at the waistband of my pants, I grabbed his wrist.

"Jasper...nobody has done this to me in...years..." I said and his eyes widened.

"You mean your wife didn't... I'm so sorry babe..." he said and pulled me in to a searing kiss, "I suppose it's about time then?" he smirked after the kiss and I felt his hands palming me through the fabric.

I was hard in an instant, it was pretty much what I expected too. I mean it had been a long while, almost a year, and he was so sexy and I finally had him...

When he tugged the pants off me and trailed his fingers under my tank to touch my abs and chest I sighed in anticipation. His blonde head down there like that...

It wasn't nothing compared to the way his mouth felt when he began to work my erection.

"Oh...fuck...Jasper..." I managed to gasp when my fingers gripped the armrests and my hips bucked up from the chair.

He chuckled around me and let me hit the back of his throat before swallowing around me and making me whimper. Suddenly I knew I wanted more than this and I opened my eyes, my fingers gripping his curls.

"Not like this, Jasper..." I gasped and he released me from his mouth, blushing deeply, "what?" I asked.

Sheepishly he dug to the pocket of the sleeping pants I had given him to wear the night before. He produced a condom and the lube and placed them to my hand. I smirked at him and he looked at me bashfully before sticking his tongue out at me.

"Adorable, you know that, right?" I asked him.

"Shut up and roll on the rubber." he said huskily and blushed more.

I did as he told and watched him curiously as he stripped off the pants and straddled both me and the chair, placing his thighs on the armrests. Well this was certainly...interesting...

He took the lube and prepared himself for me, his head tilted back and his cock leaking pre-cum. How could anyone be so hot??

I pulled my top off and did the same with his when he was ready for me.

Lifting himself up a bit and with my assistance, he situated himself over my cock. Gradually he lowered himself over me, keeping his eyes fixed on mine. I really did try to control myself but the loud moan from my lips escaped me and made Jasper grin victoriously.

When I was all the way in, he stopped and leaned to kiss me gently and deeply. The passion took over fast though and he began to move, rock on my lap a bit, making the movement bigger with every thrust.

Eventually I moved my hands under his thighs to help him before his thighs would get too tired. He leaned forward again, kissing me and then grabbed the back of the chair for leverage. His eyes were so close and all I could see in the lovely brown depths was need and desire and something I knew we weren't ready to say out loud in a while.

The thought was sending me over the edge sooner than I would have wanted.

"Harder, almost there..." I gasped and since both of our hands were occupied with moving him, he leaned forward to change the angle.

When I felt myself sliding towards my orgasm, I leaned my head forward and sucked his nipple in to my mouth, clamping my teeth on the hard nub.

He shouted, "Edward!!" and exploded, shooting cum to my chest and neck, some of it ending up on my chin and my cheek too.

The strong muscles spasming around my cock sent me flying over the edge of control and when I finally came back from my high, Jasper lifted his head from my shoulder and looked at me both amused and sort of sheepish again.

"I...made a mess..." he managed and I chuckled. I didn't mind. Especially when he leaned his head and kissed me before licking the cum off my face and neck. The next kiss tasted like him and made me growl in to his mouth.

When he leaned back, his lovely eyes were full of mischief, "Hmm...this is what I call a proper breakfast...though the coffee might be a nice addition..."

I helped him to his stiff feet and held on to the condom as he left my lap.

"What about you go get some coffee for yourself and meet me in the bathroom?" I asked, as we needed to clean up too.

"Sure, see you there," he leaned to kiss me and walked, still naked, to the kitchen.

-|-|-|-|-|-|-

I stared in to the mirror.

The man looking back didn't seem different in any way. His eyes were maybe a bit brighter, the creases on his forehead more smooth. The biggest difference were the absence of the shadows under his eyes.

Rest. I had gotten some proper sleep last night. I knew why.

The reason to the first truly well-slept night in the last six months walked to the bathroom and looked at me through the mirror. I smiled and the smile was returned.

I knew that I would never look the same and that I'd keep looking happier from this morning onwards.

Suddenly the future seemed a lot better and I was looking forward to it.

-|-|-|-|-|-|-

Hope you liked it. :) Reviews make me write BNS and JSY faster, just sayin'... ;)


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